Where does all the money go...?

[Slim Shaney]

From time to time people ask me, as I'm sitting in my Moet-filled jacuzzi in the garden of 'Goldeneye', Ian Fleming's old house in Jamaica, surrounded by white-liveried flunkies and dusky bikini-clad serving girls, how we spend the enormous number of royalties continually accruing in an offshore ISA from our sales of albums, singles and sundry SftBH-related ephemera (the Banjo Barnes signature chest wig is a particular favourite in the folk clubs of Sheffield). I now reveal to you, as far as I know, what happens to your hard-earned cash. I myself have recently acquired a personal jet, painted in custom Blue House livery, in which I travel to various Blue House-related business meetings - Geneva, Nice, our holding company in Liberia, but other members of the group have more modest tastes. Gibbon, for example, spends all of his money on obscure Camel vinyl bootlegs, while Fiddly is building up a collection of rare early-serial number Stradivari, which he exhibits in a specially constructed climate-controlled environment near his Chelsea townhouse. Helen personally sponsors young British artists - a recent Sunday Times survey placed her above both Saatchi brothers in a list of the most important patrons of the arts in Britain today, and she regularly lends pieces to the Tate, the Tate Modern and a recent venture by former Ipswich Town manager John, the Tate and Lyall. Russ funds a charitable foundation which looks after the welfare of pale young homeless ferrets and Tony, of course, makes regular donations from his lucrative session fees to ensure the proper education and upbringing of wayward thespians in the Dartford area. Only James, sadly, who is still twenty grand in the hole to Big Vern and Fat Tony after personally funding the recording of "Too" is unable to dispense this sort of largesse to the community and so I end with a plea - if you can, please help James to pay for the necessary witness protection programme and reconstructive plastic surgery required for him to lead a normal, fear-free life by buying something from the Merch page. A 'Radio Sessions' CD pays for two weeks rental on the panic button he has had installed in his personal bolt hole in the safe house (or 'Snug' as we call it). A 'Reaper' buys four days hire for the walkie talkies used for his constant 24 hour protection by the ex-CIA operatives who constantly keep watch on The Blue House. And a purchase of 'Too' means that Gibbon can get yet another straight-from-the-desk monitor mix version of 'The Snow Goose'. Thanks you for your time, and I hope this has answered some of your questions.
All The Best
Yr Pal
Shane.